Thoughts on Relationships

I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately. Tis the season for romantic holiday movies like The Holiday, and my favorite, Love/Actually.  These are movies that I watch on a regularly during the holidays.  In addition to these, relationships have come up recently in a number of ways.  Below are probably a series of blog posts to themselves, but since I don’t really have time for that I will just post small blurbs.  If there is something you really want me to expound on let me know and I will talk more about that.

*I love weddings.  They make me sad.

*It never seems like I have a friend getting married here and there.  It always seems to be several within a couple weeks of each other.

* Same with babies.

*I have been having several conversations recently about “deal-breakers.”  You know, the things that set people in dateable or undateable categories.  Here are mine:  must have or be working toward a college degree.  Cannot be an amputee.  No current drug abuse.  No intense mental health conditions.  Cannot have a serious health condition at the point of our beginning to date.  Good teeth.  Must adhere to good hygiene rules including shaving her arm pits and legs.  Has to be in the same sort of intelligence bracket as me.  Must love Jesus. 

* Several times recently I have met someone who seems really interesting, is really beautiful, really fun and really great, but then I look down and notice she doesn’t shave her legs.  That’s where that deal breaker came from.

* I always talk to guys who are older than me  about relationships.  They say things like, “You know I don’t know why I was too scared to ask her out on a date back in __________ (usually high school or college).  I bet she would have said yes.”  I think that hindsight has a way of making us feel cooler than we were.  I know in the future there will be girls that I went  to college with that I say that about, but I know that is all untrue.

* I was talking with my friend Sarah about relationships recently.  She is super smart and always has good insight.  She said that the crux of dating is this: ” You can’t just like them at their best, you have to like them at their worst and you have to like them at their worst most of the time. Because they are going to spend the day giving away the best of themselves to everyone else, and the best of them just gets spent and they bring home the shit, and that’s what you get.”   I think there is something to that.

* Christian singleness is harder than nonChristian singleness.  Sometimes I am lonely.  Sometimes I want companionship and am a little jealous of the possibility to go out to a couple bars one night and try to find someone to have sex or make out with you.  Sometimes I hate being called to deal with my loneliness in a different way. 

* Ever since I was a little kid I have always pictured the old man version of myself as single. 

* Sometimes there are some beautiful stories on the “missed connections” pages on CraigsList.  Sometimes there are crazy people there.  I keep looking to see if one will be about me.  If there ever is one, I am sure she won’t shave her legs.

* I have female friends who think that because they are different or have some issues that they are screwed up.  By extension they just assume that anyone who is attracted to them must be screwed up too.  It’s like they view themselves as broken toys and no kid in their right mind really wants to have a broken toy for the rest of their life.  I think that’s sad.

* I am now two degrees of separation from two people who are having sex change operations.  That doesn’t have much to do with relationships other than the thought: “Did I influence tho people so much that they influenced two people so much to get sex change operations?”

*I think God invented fetishes…follow me.  I think that God is pretty concerned with love.  I think that he wants us to know it and that for a lot of people the only way we can understand God’s love is through the small glimpses of it that we get on earth.  So, God created certain desires so that everyone can find love on earth.  This ties back into my deal breakers and the broken toy thoughts.  God knows that some people (say amputees) are not found to be attractive by some people.  Being an amputee, they probably feel like a broken toy: “Who would want to date a armless freak?”  But God creates some people to look past things like that, or even to look for something like that when considering a mate.  Therefore, as God tends to do, he turns the amputees point of self doubt into the thing that actually attracts someone to her.  These are just thoughts.  So think about it as something else to be attracted to.  There are butt guys, boob guys, legs guys, guys who like blondes, brunettes, red heads and then there are guys who like short girls, really tall girls, chubbier girls, skinnier girls, girls with dark skin, light skin, midgets, girls of average hight, and then girls who might not have all of their limbs.  Through all of these avenues of attraction, everyone can find love.


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About coleyoakum

My name is Coleman Yoakum. I am formerly a student at Harding University. Today you can find me in Detroit Michigan doing what I can to expand the Kingdom of God and preparing to start an intentional community in Pontiac. I enjoy reading, writing, photography, music and politics. I am sure that all of these things will find their way to this blog from time to time. Twitter: coleyoakum Facebook: Coleman Yoakum Email: Flickr:

2 responses to “Thoughts on Relationships”

  1. Penni says :

    Coleman, this is actually beautiful, even if they are just “blurbs”. You said a lot that I’m totally with you on, and some that hit me pretty deeply (the bit about the “broken” girls…thank you for that.)
    You’re an encourager, even if that wasn’t your specific intent :-)

  2. SIMON KHAN says :


    There are show some example about missed connection , Relationships is also the type of missed connection.


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