This weekend I went to a Renaissance Festival about a half hour outside of Rochester Hills, MI.
We were escorted down the highway by large yellow signs with blue lettering– “Renaissance Festival.” I had never been to one, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. The closer we got the slower and more procession-like the traffic became. We were all going to the same place.
Once we pulled in we began to get an idea of what kind of people attended this festival. First we saw a slew of Slayer, Def Leopard and Metallica t-shirts. The first people that we actually saw dressed up were a herd of fairies climbing out of a Ford Escape. Then a guy and his girlfriend dressed to match in knight and fair maiden attire.
Jenny and I went with James and Kate. Kate had been given free tickets and made it abundantly clear that she would not be there otherwise. Jenny had never been before and was curious. I was on a mission: I wanted a turkey leg.
As we neared the festival grounds we made jokes. I suggested that all the signs should have “Ye old” before them. “Ye old Porta potty.” “Ye old entrance.” Jenny would point out costumes and say. “Look! A Sith Lord” then humorously catch herself, “whoops, wrong festival.” James took to quoting Monte Python. We had a lot of laughs.
One thing that we ever obvious about the place was that it should have been rated PG-13. As soon as I walked in a large woman, who offered to embarrass anyone of our choosing for $4, told me to get my hand out of my pocket and find entertainment elsewhere. There was a show with a skeleton who consistently made references to having a boner, stiff one, etc. Additionally, Renaissance Festivals offer ladies the opportunity to release their inner hoe-bag. Corsets, low cut everythings and short skirts with revealing leggings were everywhere. It is important to point out here than the vast majority of woman who seized this opportunity were not the kind who should have. There were also a variety of sketchy t-shirts that you could buy to commemorate this awesome occasion.
We walked around, saw what there was to see and I think we were out in about two hours. I got my turkey leg and all was well in the world.
Do I think I will go back next year? I think only if I get free tickets again. That turkey leg was delicious.